The Writing of a Great Fanfic
by Neko-chan4
Summary: Where can you find Pokemon abuse, alien abduction, and Richard Simmons selling rainbow wigs? Why, in Steve and Flin's fanfic, of course! This is a crazy story where 2 made up char attempt to write a really great fanfic...with some problems. Do they suc
1. Part 1

The Writing of a Great Fanfic

The Writing of a Great Fanfic

By Nichole (Neko-chan) Johnson 

** **

**It's late Saturday night and we find our bored friend Steve busy at his laptop, trying to come up with a good fanfic.**

"@#%$* &8@##$!!!!!!"

**Er, he seems to be having some troubles doing so.**

"Damn right!!It's bad enough I can't come up with anything but this lousy comp keeps crashing on me!@#$%&!!!"**Steve pounds on the laptop with his forehead.**

**Our friend Steve seems very self-destructive tonight.**

In attempts to avoid lawsuits I'm going to take a look at what he's written so far and pretend I never saw this.

Ash:I'm Ash Ketchum.I'm going to be the greatest Pokémon Master of all time!Whoopee!I love you Pikachu!

Misty:I'll follow you to the ends of the world pretending to hate you although I'm secretly in love with you.(mallets Ash)

Brock:And I'll come too because travelling is the best way to meet chicks.Oh, yeah, I also might want to work on my dream of becoming the greatest Pokémon breeder of all time.**Yadda, yadda, yadda.**

Pikachu:Pika!

Togepi:Prrii!!

Team Rocket:Not so fast, you brats!

Ash-tachi:It's Team Rocket!

Jesse:Prepare for trouble!

James: And make it double!

(Fast forward…)

Meowth:Meowth, dat's right!

Ash:What do you three want, this time?!

(TR face faults)

Jesse:Moron, we want your Pikachu!

James: (muttering)Some brainchild we pick to steal from.

Meowth:So hand it over, or we'll have ta get rough.

(Ash sends out Bulbasaur which whips TR's butts, they verbally banter awhile, it looks like TR might win, Ash sends out Pidgeotto, TR gets blown away, yadda, yadda, yadda…)

Team Rocket:Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!

James:Man, this suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks!!!

Boy, I think James pretty much summarized it for all of us.

** **

Three hours and 22 computer crashes later… 

"How about Ash shees a big Mewtwo witsh butterfwy wings and he fwies it to…Indigo Plateau and evrybuddy's dere and dey cheer and do da Hokey Pokey witsh a giant Teletubbie in spandex named Richard Shimmons shelling wainbow colored wigs to polka-dotted Chanseys witsh chainsaws?No, dat's shilly!Da Mewtwo wouldn't be able to fwy witsh butterfwy wings…he'd haft ta have pony wings!"

**Make that three hours, 22 computer crashes, and several bottles of _vodka later._**

**"Hey, Steve!What are you doin'?"**

"NUSHIN!!I ain't done nushin!It was da ponies, I tell you, da ponies!Deys don't want you to know!Dey don't want no onsh to know!"

"Dammit, Steve!I told you to stop trying to write fanfics!Give me that bottle!"

"Ish my bottle!Leggo, leggo!Damn you, leggo!You're witsh dem, aren't you?!Da ponies sent you!!"

"You've had enough!Now give Uncle Flin the bottle, Steve.Let me have the bottle…"

"No, no, never enough!Gotta' have more!Gotta' shtop da ponies!Evyting's so nice 'n shwirly!Ooohh…"

"That's it, Steve, you just lay down and take a nice little nap.No one's going to take your bottle away.You just go to sleep now…"

"The room's tipping!La-la-la…All the pwetty cowers…!You watch out, ponies!I ge' you nexsht shtime…da ponies…dere here…damn ponies…"

**Sunday morning—Steve's back at his laptop again.****With one helluva headache.**

**"Ow, ow, OW!!Why do these keys have to be so damn loud?!"**

"Steve, you at that damn laptop again?"

"Go to hell, Flin!It's none of your business!"

"Having trouble coming up with a story again?I could help if you want."

"I don't need your help! … But, if you had any…ideas, maybe you could let me know and I could…consider them or something.Not that I need any ideas, or anything…"

"No of course not, Steve.Let's see what you've got."

Pikachu's Happy Day

By Steve

Pikachu woke up.It was a bright sunny day with big fluffy clouds.This made Pikachu smile.

"Pika-chu!" he said, which probably means "What a nice day!" but I wouldn't know because I don't speak Pikachu.Stretching his little arms, he turned and gave his best friend in the whole wide world a tug on the sleeve to wake him up.

"Chu!Pika, pika!" he said, which probably meant, "Ash!Get up!" but again I wouldn't know.Ash simply turned over in his sleep and groaned a little.Pikachu sighed.

"Chu…" he muttered, shaking his head sadly.

**Flin nods intelligently at the screen.Then, straightening up, he turns to his friend:**

**"This is the crappiest, sappiest story I've ever read in my entire life, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!!"**

"I'm working on it…"

"Here, give me that laptop!"

"Hey!Flin, don't do anything drastic!"

"Don't worry, I'm just going to 'edit' it a little."

…"Chu…" he muttered, shaking his head sadly.

All of a sudden, a huge nuclear bomb fell from the sky, wiping out Pikachu and his friends and saving the entire world from his nauseatingly cute antics.

And the rest of the world lived happily ever after.

"Edit?!You just blew them up!"

"I didn't change anything.I just added."

"AAARGH!!!"**Steve clicks on 'New' and begins typing again.**

**"You want me to help you with this one, too?"**

"No!!"

**Pause.**

**"I won't blow anything up."**

"No nuclear warheads?"

"I promise."

…Ash, Brock, and Misty were walking along when from the trees:

"Prepare for trouble!"

"And make it double!"

Ash: Agh!It's Team Rocket!

Brock: Quick, tackle them before they can do their motto!

"Flin!Brock wouldn't say that!"

"Well I would in that situation.Who's story is it anyway: his or mine?"

"Actually, it's neither of yours.It's mine and I say—"

"Would you just shut up and let me finish?I'm trying to make this funny, not realistic."

…Before you could say "To protect the world from devastation," Ash-tachi had tackled the trio of villains to the ground.

James: Eee!My pants!You got grass stains on them, you scrawny little—

Misty:Oh, boo-hoo!It's your own fault for wearing a white uniform!

Jesse:Get OFF of me, you pervert! (smack)

Brock:Aww, man!

Ash:(holding his face)Yaaaagh!!My face!!

Meowth:You'll think twice about tacklin' Meowth, brat!

A few minutes later…

Misty:What were you three doing following us this time?

James: It's none of your business what we do in our free time!

Misty: (grabbing him by the collar)Do I need to give you a reason, then?!!

James: (gulp) No.

Jesse:Wimp!

James: (nervous) Well, you see, it's like this…


	2. Part 2

Part 2

**Part 2**

**Uncomfortable silence.**

**"Well?Steve, why _were they following them?"_**

"Um.I don't know."

"Stupid, some story!Now give me the keyboard back!"

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to give them a reason, duh."

"Is it going to be a _valid reason?"_

"Of course.Totally valid."

…it's like this:we were walking in the woods the other day…

(Flashback)

James: I'm hungry.And tired.And I think we've been past this piece of forest sixty-four times in the last hour!

Jesse:Would you stop whining?!I'm trying to meditate!

Meowth:(to James) Do you think it's at all possible dat we've been walking a circle through the forest the entire morning?

(Aerial view of the forest showing a giant circle of worn down grass through the trees.)

Jesse:You imbecile cat!How stupid do you think we are?!Besides, I've been leading us the entire morning so we _can't be lost!_

James: (dryly) Yep.One giant circle.

(Jesse whacks him hard and he starts pouting some more.)

Misty:Can you get to the point?

James: (archly) You wanted me to tell you what happened.I'm trying to build suspense.

Misty:I don't _care about suspense!I just want to know why you were following us!!_

Jesse: Just skip to the good stuff, James!

James: (whining) I'm getting there!

Misty & Jesse:DO IT FASTER!!!

Um, let's see…oh yeah!All of a sudden…

Meowth:Huh?Did youse guys hear dat?

James: Hear what Meowth?Was it a Greyhound, by any chance?My feet are killing me!

Meowth:It sounded like hummin'.

Jesse & James: (nervous) H-humming?

(Flashback of the Beedrill swarm from the third episode.)

Meowth:Yeah!Sorta' like a swarm a' Beedrills, or sompin'.

(Jesse and James begin to quake and whimper nervously when a giant shadow falls over them.)

Jesse:WHA—?!!

Meowth:YAAGH!!What is dat thing?!

James:A spa-spa, space—spa, spa-space…IT'S A SPACESHIP!!!

Jesse & Meowth:A SPACESHIP?!!

(Jesse and James both scream and hug each other while Meowth backs up against their legs in terror.)

Jesse: (whimpering) What's it doing?!

Meowth: Maybe it's gonna' abduct us!!

James: (crying) We're gonna' die!!!

Jesse: I'M TOO GORGEOUS TO DIE!!

James: I'M TOO CUTE TO DIE!!

Meowth: I JUST DON'T WANNA' DIE!!

(A glowing red beam shoots out of the UFO and sucks the three villains into the ship.)

Alien 1: Greetings, humanoids!We are the Snorfplumps, from the planet Jinglehimerschmidt.

Meowth: Your name is my name, too?

Alien 2: Curse your planet and its stupid songs!

Alien 1: Silence, Weeder!(to TR) We have come in search of human brains to power our electric toenail clippers back home.Do not be afraid, you shall feel no pain.

James: AAAGH!!THEY WANT OUR BRAINS!!

Jesse:Guess you have nothing to worry about.

Meowth: (inching away) Well, looks like you won't be needin' me.I'll just be goin' now…

Jesse:Meowth, you traitor!Aren't you going to save us?!

James: Yeah, you can't leave us here!!We're a team!

Meowth: Not anymore, ahm not!You've got a new job on the planet Jinglehimerschmidt.It was nice knowin' ya!

Alien 2: Stop right there, Furry one!We are in need of new slippers and you have a nice shiny coat.

Alien 1: Ah, yes!He'll go perfectly with our Ugbot-skin robes!

Meowth:SLIPPERS?!!

Jesse:I think we may have gotten the better end of this deal.

(James nods as one of the aliens ties Meowth up and throws him over his shoulder.)

Alien 1: Well, off to the ship tailor's!I'll see you after you've had those humans' brains sucked out, Weeder!Ta ta!

Jesse:WAIT!!If we find you some other humans instead for your brain machines, would you let us go?!

Alien 1: Hmm, probably.But we'll still keep the furry one for our slippers.

Jesse:Sounds good to me.Bye.

Meowth:AAGH!!!JESSE, JAMES, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!!!

Jesse:(sighs) He's right.What was I thinking?(goes over and pats Meowth on the head)Bye, Meowth.It was nice knowing you.

James: Wait, Jesse!I've got an idea!(to the aliens) What if we also brought you something to make your slippers out of?

Alien 1: Well…I don't know…

Alien 2: (crossly) I like this one!

Jesse: (catching on)Would bright yellow with brown stripes be good?

Alien 1: Ah, splendid!Those shall match my Ugbot robe even better!

Alien 2: (cross and pouty) I still want this one!

James: (taunting tone) I could get you a plush orange-ish pink with brown…

Alien 2: I dunno…

James: With six fluffy tails for added style…

Alien 2: (sighs) Okay.Go get us those humans.(throws Meowth) And you can take your furry friend with you!

Alien 1: Bon voyage, earthlings!(opens a trapdoor beneath TR and they land roughly in the forest)Meet us back here in two days with the humans and slipper material!

Alien 2: They better be as plush as you say, Green-eyed one, or I'll feed you to my Ganorf!

James: (nervous) Would you like it brushed?

James: Then they flew off.That was a day ago.We still have one more day to pay them back.

Misty: (shaking him by the collar) YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT LOAD OF BULL-SHI—

Brock: (sobby voice) You were going to give them Vulpix?!!

Ash: You three have made up a lot of crazy stuff before but this takes the cake!Right, Pikachu?

(Pikachu nods but looks uncomfortable about becoming slippers for a Snorfplump.)

"SNORFPLUMPS?!!THEY WERE ABDUCTED BY SNORFPLUMPS?!!!THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR VALID REASON?!!"

"Look, you have to jazz it up a bit to give it excitement.I thought a UFO and brain sucking aliens would really give your story punch."

"PUNCH?!PUNCH?!!!I DON'T WANT "PUNCH" I JUST WANT TO WRITE A GOOD FANFIC, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!"

"This is good!Everybody likes UFO abductions."

"Yeah, if this was "The X Files"!This is "Pokémon"!There are no UFO's, no brain sucking aliens, no "Ugbot" robes!Just Pokémon and Pokémon characters!"

"But Pokémon and Pokémon characters are boring, Steve.All they do is battle and try to get badges and gloat about how good a trainer they are."

"That's why it's called "Pokémon"!!!"

"Yeah, but if you had ever read a fanfic, you'd know that they add things like that to make people want to read them.Nobody wants to read a fanfic about stuff that happens on the show.They can watch the show for that crap!"

"I've read fanfics!"

"I meant decent fanfics, Steve.Not crappy 2nd grade level stories with titles like "Ash Catches a Mewtwo"."

"Hey, that story was good, Flin!"

"Yeah, Steve.Just keep telling yourself that."

"Don't dis the story, man!It never did anything to you!"

"Except torture me with the possibility of Teletubbies with super powers.I still can't get over that nightmare of Tinky-Winky attacking me with Leech Seed."

"Okay, okay so the dialogue was a little childish—"

"A little?"

"Shut up, Flin…"

"Okay, fine."

"Aaanyway, I'll let you leave the alien stuff in if you let me write the next part and promise to not add any more weird stuff like aliens who make slippers out of Pokémon and UFO's and nuclear warheads and stuff."

"I don't know what _you're complaining about.When I came in here last night you wanted to give a Mewtwo "pony" wings and have Richard Simmons the Teletubbie sell rainbow wigs to polka-dotted Chanseys and dance the Hokey Pokey."_

"_Flin…"_

"Okay, okay!I won't add any of that stuff you said!Sheesh!"

…Jesse:You don't believe us?!!

James: This is an outrage!

Meowth: (under his breath to his partners) I've got an idea…

J & J: Huh?

Meowth: (to Ash-tachi) If ya don't believe us, why don't you come see for yourself?

Ash: Well…

Misty: Don't listen to them, Ash!They're just trying to trick us.

Ash: But what if there really _is a UFO?I wouldn't miss that for the world!_

Brock: Ash, don't be silly.There's no such thing as UFO's.Remember the Clefairy incidence?

Ash: But this time it might be real!Come on, you guys!What have we got to lose?

Misty: (dryly) Our dignity for one.

Brock: Come on, Ash, let's just get out of here.We can't trust Team Rocket anyway.

James: (shrugs his shoulders apologetically) If that's the way you feel about it…

Jesse: It's your loss.

Meowth: Come on, you two.Let's go buy some film so we can sell pictures to The Enquirer.

(The three start walking away nonchalantly.)

James: Ooh, great idea, Meowth!I never thought of that!

Jesse: We're going to be rich!

Meowth: This sure beats gettin' turned inta slippers!

(The three laugh.)

Misty: Wait!

(TR looks back over their shoulders.)

Jesse: (disdainfully) You _rang, little girl?_

Misty: Okay.We'll go see your "spaceship".But you've got to promise us not to try anything.

James: (wide innocent eyes) Not to try what?

Ash: No tying us up, or stealing our Pokémon—

Brock: Or badges.

Ash: Right!And certainly no handing us over to brain sucking aliens!

Misty: (dryly) Don't you think that's going just a little too far?

Jesse: (false benevolence) Of course not, little boy!We wouldn't dream of it!

James: (mock crying) I'm insulted!

(Meowth pretends to cry, too.)

Misty: (dryly) I'm sure you are.

Jesse: (cheery) Well, if that's all settled, let's be on our way then!

James: (equally cheery) It's a long walk to the landing site!

(All start out.)

Ash: This is so cool!I'm going to get to see real aliens and a real alien spaceship!

Pikachu: Pika!

Misty: I don't know about this…

Brock: Come on, Misty.Lighten up.What could go wrong?You said yourself that there's no such thing as aliens.

Ash: (chanting and marching) I get to meet the Snorfplumps!I get to meet the Snorfplumps!Woo-hoo!Yippee!La-la-la-la-la!

Misty: I know.I just have this bad feeling…

(Ahead of Ash-tachi, Team Rocket turns to each other and snicker silently in triumph.)

"Well, what did ya think?"

"Eh, it was okay Steve.Let me write the next part, though, when they meet the aliens."

"Okay…but why?"

"I don't want you to dork it up.This part's gotta' have action."

"I can do action!What are you talking about?!"

"You'll do something predictable.You always do.Face it, Steve, you're a regular Joe."

"If I'm so predictable, then guess what I was going to do!"

"Okay.Ash-tachi would get to the clearing, the aliens would come, Team Rocket would laugh and gloat then shove Ash-tachi towards the alien tractor beam, there would be a battle and Team Rocket would be blasted into the horizon.Then the aliens would feel bad for stealing people's brains, make friends with Ash-tachi who'd forgive them and remark on the "important lesson" they learned, and the aliens would fly off to their home planet and live happily ever after NOT stealing people's brains or skinning cute little animals."

**Silence.**

"I was right, wasn't I?"

"Just write you're stupid part, Flin."


	3. Part 3

Part 3

**Part 3**

(After a day's hike, the group makes it to the landing site.)

Ash: Where's the spaceship?!

Pikachu: PI-ka!

Jesse: (irritated) Just be patient, little boy!They'll be here!

Ash: You didn't tell us we'd have to wait!

(TR rolls their eyes and sigh.)

Meowth: Boy, James, this kid whines more dan you do.

James: I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or an insult.

Misty: (looking around critically) This better not be one of your guys' stupid hoaxes.Thanks to you, _we're now a day behind in our journey._

Jesse: No, thanks to your curiosity, you mean._We didn't make anyone do __anything._

James: (irritable glare) So sit down, shut up, and wait.(to Jesse) They better get here soon or I'm going to kill them myself, starting with the redhead.

Jesse: (to James) In the meantime, we've got more important things to take care of.

James: Such as?

Meowth: Like how we're gonna' keep dem brats in dis clearing when da aliens get here.

James: Oh that's easy.Ash will get all excited at meeting them and forget they want to suck his brain out and skin his Pikachu.We don't have to do a thing.

Jesse: All we'll have to do is sit back and enjoy our freedom!

Meowth: (rubbing his chin) Maybe so, but dem other two are pretty levelheaded.They'll fight back, ya know.

Jesse: Hmm, I guess you're right.But the only thing we could do about that is to confiscate their Pokémon.

James: (whining) And we promised not to!

Meowth: (evil look) Not exactly…

Jesse: And what exactly do you have in mind?

Meowth: There are other ways to render them helpless…

James: (malicious grin) I like the sound of that…

(Meanwhile, on the other side of the clearing…)

Brock: I don't trust those three.They look sneaky.

Misty: I wonder what they're up to this time?

(Not paying any attention to the other two…)

Ash: Wow! This is so cool!!I'm gonna' see a real spaceship!Woo-hoo!

Pikachu: Pika, pikachu!

Ash: I wonder if it'll have lasers?!And those beamy things on Star Trek! (imitating Capt. Kirk) Beam me up, Scotty!Ha, ha, ha!

Misty: (dryly) At least Ash's excited.

Brock: A little too excited, if you ask me.I'm going to move over here, now.(scoots over a few inches in the other direction)

Misty: I hope we don't have to wait too long, it's really boring here.I wonder where that brown path leads?(walks off)

(TR has finished with their discussion and come over to Ash and Brock, smiling cheerily.)

Jesse: Hello, Ash.Hi, Brock!

Brock: (nervous) H-hi, Team Rocket…

Jesse: (losing her cheeriness) I have a name, you know.

Brock: Er…

(Jesse begins to look violent when James intervenes.)

James: (cheery) Jesse just loves Vulpixes.Don't you, Jess?

Jesse: (cheery again) Why yes!They're so adorable!(clasps her hands under her chin in a dreamy expression)

Brock: (looking less nervous) Oh, well I have a Vulpix.

Jesse: (excited) You do, don't you?!Do you think I could see it?!

Brock: (torn) Well…

James: (shocked) Jesse, I think that Brock's afraid you might steal his Vulpix!

Jesse: (looking hurt) But I promised not to!I never go back on my promises!(batting her big blues eyes at Brock innocently) You would never think I'd take your cute little Vulpix now that I promised not to, would you, Brock?

Brock: (blushing from "pretty girl flattery") O-of course not!I'll let you see my Vulpix, Jesse!

(Brock lets out Vulpix and him and Jesse settle down into conversation while James walks away in the direction Misty went.)

James: (evil snicker) One down, one to go!

"Action, Flin?"

"Shh, don't interrupt!I'm not finished!"

"Oh brother!"

**I wonder if letting Flin help was such a great idea…**

(We find Misty exploring the path TR left earlier by herself.)

Misty: (irritated) Stupid Ash!Why do I let him talk me into these kinds of things?!

(Something rustles in the trees behind her.)

Misty: (nervous) What?!W-who's there?!

(Silence.)

Misty: (doubly irritated) Stupid Pokémon!Yeah, that's what it is.Probably a bunch of wild Rattatas.Or Pidgies.

(Something skitters across the path.)

Misty: (jumping) Aagh!What was that?!!

Mysterious voice: Eee, ee!Oo-eee!

Misty: (terrified) That sounded like a—

(A Caterpie drops right in front of her from the trees.)

Misty: AAAAGH!!!A BUG!!!!!!(runs back the way she came in terror)GET IT AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEWWWW!!!

(James pops out from behind a bush snickering and Meowth sticks his head out of the foliage of a nearby tree, a fishing pole in one hand with a rubber Caterpie tied to the end.)

Meowth: Heh!Dat was easier dan I thought!

James: (snickering) I'll never get over the look on her face!Ha, ha, ha!!

(Both burst into evil laughter and disappear back into the underbrush and trees.)

(Meanwhile…)

Brock: …and I feed it my own special blend of Poké Chow to keep it's coat nice and shiny and healthy and brush it five times a day.

Jesse: Wow, you're really devoted to your Pokémon!(in her head) _What a loser!_

Brock: (proud) Oh, it's nothing.I'm just working on being the world's best Pokémon breeder.

Jesse: Really?!That's so exciting!(in her head) _Somebody shoot me, please._

Ash: Hey, Brock!What are you doing?!

Jesse: Oh, Brock's just so sweet!He's showing me his Vulpix! (in her head) _I think I'm going to puke!_

_Ash: (to Brock) You're __letting a Team Rocket member look at your Pokémon?!Are you crazy?!_

Brock: Oh, Ash, lighten up.She just wants to see my Vulpix.Besides, Team Rocket promised us they wouldn't try anything.

Ash: (incredulous) Yeah, but—

Brock: (behind his hand) And if you don't leave us alone, I won't cook for you for a week, get my drift?

Ash: (shocked) Brock! What's up with you?! (Anime rivers) No, she's brainwashed you!!

Brock: (warningly) Ash…

Ash: (grabbing Brock's head and shaking it roughly) Brock, old buddy, can you hear me?!!Talk to me!!

Brock: (growling) Ash, stop it!You're embarrassing me in front of Jesse!

(Ash continues to shake Brock while Jesse sneaks away snickering to herself.)

Brock: DAMMIT, ASH!!!SHE DIDN'T BRAINWASH ME!!

(Pushes Ash away and notices Jesse's gone.)

Brock: (Anime rivers) Not again!!I can't even get a _criminal girl to go out with me!!Grrr…(smacks Ash roughly over the head and storms off with Vulpix.)_

(All of a sudden, with a whir of glowing lights and such, the spaceship lands.)

Brock: HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!!!IT'S REAL!!!!!!

Jesse: (acting cutesy) Told you so.

(James and Meowth pop up from nowhere, looking at the spaceship with bored interest.)

James: Has anyone seen Misty recently?

Brock: (still slack-jawed and staring at the ship) Um, she was just here a few minutes ago screaming something about slimy insects but I don't know where she went.

(Ash comes to.)

Ash: (calmly) Oh, the spaceship's here.(double take) HOLY MOSES!!!!

Meowth: Damn!I forgot ta get film.

Misty: Would everyone stop gaping at that overgrown saucer and help me out of this tree?!!!

James: (craning his neck and looking up at her) Oh, there she is!(waving) Hi, Misty!

Misty: *censored for your well being*

Meowth: She seems unhappy.

James: If words were rainbows…

(The Snorfplumps come out of the ship, dressed as tourists.)

Alien 1: Excellent!I see you made good on our deal, humans!

Alien 2: Where's my plush slippers, Green-eyed one?

(James grabs Vulpix from Brock's slack hands.)

James: Right here, all brushed and ready.

Alien 2: Gimme, dammit!(grabs Vulpix who promptly burns him to a crisp)

James: Did I forget to mention it bites?

Misty: Agh!As if bugs weren't enough, now we've got aliens!

Ash: (reality kicking in) AAAAGGH!!THEY WANT OUR BRAINS!!!

Brock: (taking Jesse's hands) Jesse, please!Grant this dying man's last wish!Go out with me!

Jesse: I wouldn't date you if you were the last man on earth, creep!Now let go of my hands!

Alien 1: Could we just get this over with?I've got a hotel in Vegas with my name on it.

James: Whatever you say.I'm looking forward to dumping these annoying little brats.(kicks Brock into the ship's tractor beam)

Brock: (getting sucked into the ship) Jesse, my love, I'll never forget you as long as I live!Farewell, sweet flower of life!

Jesse: Thank god that won't be too long!

Misty: Ash, do something!We're going to die!

Ash: Why do I have to do everything?(sighs) Hmm, maybe my new Pokemon would work…

Misty: What new Pokemon, half wit?You haven't caught a Pokemon in ages!

Ash: I found it while we were hiking here.I think it's really rare or something because it wasn't in the Pokedex.

Misty: Just shut up and call it out.

Ash: (traditional battle stance) Pokeball, go!

(An enormous wall of red light transcends from the little ball, forming into a gigantic black furred beast with huge curved horns, glowing red eyes, and dripping claws and fangs.)

Meowth: Whoa.Big Pokemon.

James: (cowering in Jesse's arms) That's about the world's biggest understatement!

Ash: (nervous) Uh, big hairy monster, use your…crush attack or something…

Monster: (confused shrug) Arrr?(stomps on the spaceship)

Brock: (from within the ship) Ow!

Aliens: OUR SHIP!!!!!!!!!

Ash: (jumping for joy) Woo-hoo!!I've got the coolest Pokemon _ever!!_

Brock: I'm in extreme pain, you know…

(The monster looks around in confusion and scratches its head.)

Monster: (thinking) _Who the hell are these people?_

Jesse: (looking sneaky) That thing must be invincible!James, we have to figure out a way to steal it from that brat!

James: (cowering) Do we have to?It looks hurty!

Jesse: Jaaaames, don't be so woosy!We _have to get that thing for the Boss—he'll probably give us the biggest raise in the history of Team Rocket!_

James: (sniff) We can't even capture Pikachu, Jesse!How are we supposed to steal that huge beast?!

Jesse: We always come up with _something—stop whining!_

James: (straightening up) I guess you're right…

(Meanwhile, the big black beast starts roaring and smashing things for no apparent reason.)

James: EEEE!!(starts panicking)

Jesse: James!!Calm down!!

Meowth: Do something, Jesse!!He's flippin' out!

(Looking irritated, Jesse grabs James by the collar and kisses him hard on the lips.)

Meowth: (shocked) Jeez, I didn't mean anything _dat drastic…_

Misty & Brock: OH MY GOD!!!!!!

Ash: (hiding his eyes) EEEEEWWW!!!GROSSS!!

Monster: (thinking) _Wow._

_Alien 1: Amazing!What is this human activity that causes so many differing reactions?_

Alien 2: I think they're mating, sir.

Alien 1: Ooh!I must get this on film!

(Jesse finally finishes with her lip-lock and pushes James away, smiling smugly and pulling out her compact.)

James: (shocked) !!!…!!!

Alien 1: Did you get all of that, Weeder?

Alien 2: (patting his video camera) All here, sir!

Alien 1: The educational society is going to love me for this!Come on, Weeder!Let's go jack a shuttle from NASA and get this stuff home!

(Both dash off.)

Misty: (relieved) Well, that got rid of the aliens.

Ash: YAY, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO STEAL OUR BRAINS!!!

Brock: Can somebody please help me?

Vulpix: (sniffing at Brock) Vol!(tries to pull some of the wreckage off of him with her teeth)

Jesse: (sweet voice) Now that those aliens are all taken care of—thanks to my genius—let's steal that monster, James!

James: (still stunned) Uuuuhhhh…????

Jesse: (irritated) James! (punches him over the head)

James: (shaking himself) Uh, yeah!Right, Jesse!

Ash: (indignant) You're not stealing my new Pokemon, Team Rocket!

Misty: Hey, you three promised not to steal any of our Pokemon!Double crossers!

Jesse: Imbeciles!It's obvious that thing's not a Pokemon!

James: (evil grin) So stealing it wouldn't be breaking our promise!

**Genius.**

**"Genius."**

"Genius."

Meowth: Genius!Mwa ha ha ha ha!!

James: (low evil voice) I have no idea how we'll do it, but I have a feeling this is going to be a piece of cake.

Jesse: I told you!

Meowth: Would you two stop yapping and help me figure out _how we're gonna' do this?!_

J&J: (irritated) FINE!!

James: (thoughtful) Hey Jess, why don't we try something new?

Jesse: Like what?

James: (turns to the monster) Hey, big monster!You like to smash things, don't you?

(Monster roars and pounds on its chest, then knocks a tree over which lands on Brock and Vulpix.)

Brock: OW!

Vulpix: Voooool…

James: Uh-_huh…Anyway, if you came with __us, you could smash and destroy things all you want._

Jesse: Brilliant idea, James!

Meowth: You know, he _has seemed smarter ever since—_

J&J: MEOWTH SHUT UP!!

Ash: Monster, don't listen to Team Rocket!!Attack them!

Jesse: See, Monster.They don't care about you—they just want to use you to beat up on others.

(Monster looks thoughtful.)

Meowth: If you come with us, we'll let you do whatever ya want!

James: And you won't have to take orders from anyone.

Monster: (thinking) _This is sounding better and better…_

Brock: (crying) I've lost the feeling in my leeeeeeeggss!!

Misty: This is ridiculous!Monster, Team Rocket is just lying to you!They're the one's who would use you—they don't care about anyone or anything!

James: (hurt) That was harsh!

Jesse: (furious) WHAT?!!Don't _care about anyone?!How __dare you say that about us!!_

Meowth: (snicker) Yeah, she cares about someone alright… (snicker)

J&J: WE'RE BAD, NOT INSENSITIVE!!

Misty: Alright, alright!Bad choice of words.You don't care about anyone but _yourselves!_

Jesse: (satisfied) That's better!

James: (wobbly eyes) You care about me, Jess?!

Jesse: (embarrassed) Well…I…

James: (hugging her tightly) I LOVE YOU JESSE!!

Jesse: (crying) I LOVE YOU TOO, JAMES!!

Meowth: (also crying) I LOVE YOUSE TWO!!

J&J: WE LOVE YOU MEOWTH!!

(All start crying rivers.)

Misty: I'm sorry I even said anything!

Monster: (thinking) _They don't seem that bad…_

Ash: ENOUGH!!I'm going to stop you three once and for all!!Pikachu, thundershock!

Pikachu: PI-KA—

Monster: (thinking) _Hey, can't you see they're sharing a special moment?!_

(The monster suddenly puts a hand in front of the crying trio, blocking the jolt of electricity.)

Ash: Hey!!You're still mine—you can't attack my Pokemon!

Monster: (thinking) _Not anymore, you mouthy little brat!(Makes as if to stomp on the young trainer.)_

James: Cool!He's on our side!

Jesse: Woo-hoo! (squeezes James happily)

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

"HA HO HO HO HO HO HO!!"

J&J: Huh?

James: Was that you?

Jesse: Wasn't me.

(Two figures leap into the clearing, which has begun to turn dark.)

Figure 1: (to Monster) You bad little puppy—running away from home like that.Mommy's going to have to punish you for that!(sound of a whip cracking)

James: AAAGH, IT'S JESSEBELLE!!!

Jesse: No, I'd recognize that hussy's voice anywhere…

Figure 2: Darling, why must you run from my love?

Monster: AAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!(thinking) _KEEP THEM AWAY!!_

Brock: (finally jumping out of the spaceship rubble) WOMEN!!!

"Darling?Flin, is this going where I think it is?"

"CROSSOVER!! ^_^"

**Groan…**


	4. Part 4--Conclusion

Part 4

**Part 4**

Figure 1: (coming into the light) Oh great, sis!Another pervert!

Figure 2: (also coming into the light) We'll deal with him as soon as we've whipped Darling into shape, Tira!

Jesse: Who's 'Darling'?!And who the hell are you people?!You look like you jumped off the cover of Penthouse!

(They ignore her and start beating the crap out of the monster, laughing hysterically all the while.)

James: They're kind of like Amazons.

Brock: (drooling) They're beautiful!!

James: (righteous) If you're a shallow half-wit with no taste whatsoever!

Jesse: Hmm! (looking proud)

Ash: (furious) Hey!!You can't do that!!Stop hurting my Pokemon!!

Misty: Oh Ash, give it a rest!

(The monster shrinks into the shape of a young man.)

Man: Owww!!Man!Why do you guys always have to be so rough?!

Girl 1: (slipping a red cloak on over her skimpy costume) It's your own fault for being so destructive, Carrot!

Girl 2: (slipping a purple miniskirt, pink shirt and blue jacket over her own costume) Darling, why do you always run away from me?!I just want you to love me!(latching on to him coyly)

Carrot: EEEE!!Chocolate, lay off it!

Girl 1: (irritated) Chocolate, cut it out!

Chocolate: I'm just showing my affections, Tira!(leaning her head on Carrot's shoulder) Let's go somewhere where we can be alone, Darling!

Carrot: Eee—let's not!!

Meowth: (to Jesse and James) These three are more messed up dan you two…

(Jesse and James look pissed but don't say anything.)

Ash: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY POKEMON?!!YOU TURNED HIM INTO A GUUUUUYYY!!!!!!!!(crying)

Misty: My life sucks. (grabbing Ash roughly by the arm)Okay, that's enough excitement for one day!Time to go!!

Pikachu: Piii-kaa…(_Why do I never have any lines???)_

Brock: (running up to Tira) Allow me to introduce myself, Miss!!My name is Brock, gym leader of the Pewter City Gym!Would you be open to catching a pizza with me later?

Tira: (irritated) Don't even think about it, buddy…

Chocolate: (interested) I wouldn't mind going for pizza.

Carrot: Hey!!

Brock: (shocked) Really?!

Chocolate: (pushing Carrot away and latching onto Brock) Sorry, Darling!A girl can't pass up a good thing when she sees it!(to Brock) Shall we be going, Brett?

Brock: It's Brock.

Chocolate: Whatever.

Brock: (excited) Alright!!I have a date!!

Carrot: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OBSESSED WITH _ME, CHOCOLATE!!!_

Chocolate: It's time I found a man who _really appreciates a beautiful girl.(cheery grin) Bye!_

(James bursts out laughing at Carrot's predicament.)

Tira: Sis, you can't just leave us here and go out for pizza with some stranger!!We've got an assignment to finish!

Jesse: (bored) Shall we be leaving, James and Meowth? This is a bore!

James: (still laughing) No way!I'm enjoying this way too much!!

Meowth: (also laughing) Ha, ha, she dropped him like an old shoe!!Ha, ha, ha!!

Jesse: Oh, jeez!We can watch soaps at home if we want to see crushing break-ups!

Carrot: I don't get it!!I always hated being obsessed over by Chocolate and now she's not!!!Why am I not happy?!!!

Tira: (bristling) I don't know, but we're not letting her get away with this—we have a job to do!!(grabbing Carrot by the arm) We're following her and putting a stop to this!!

Carrot: (wimpy) Hey, be gentle!!Ow ow ow!

James: (to Jesse) Let's follow them too!I'm really hungry!

Meowth: Pizza pizza pizza pizza!!

Jesse: (pouty) But I hate pizza!We have it all the time!

James: (grabbing her by the arm) Well maybe it's an Italian restaurant and they serve other things!!

Jesse: (eyes glittering) Really?!Italian?!I love Italian food—it's so romantic!

James: (pulling her along) Yeah, yeah, whatever, let's go eat!

Meowth: (running after them) I STILL WANT PIZZA!!!

"Is that all?"

"I don't know.Do you want to add anything?"

"_Add anything?!This is __my fanfic and you wrote almost the entire thing!!"_

"Well not _all of it—you wrote that part where—"_

"ALMOST all of it!!!About ninety-nine point nine percent of this story is your lame material!!

**This isn't looking so good.**

**"LAME?!!My stuff wasn't _half as pathetic as yours, you bastard!!"_**

"I can't believe you've got the nerve to call yourself my best friend, you slime-sucking sonofa—"

**How about _I finish this story before this thing gets too messy…_**

** **

**As the entire cast of our twisted tail went out for Italian and pizza, the automatic nuclear warhead launcher at a nearby military bunker malfunctioned, engulfing the entire area within a ten-mile radius in a gigantic mushroom cloud.So much for a romantic Italian dinner.But those lucky enough to be outside of that ten-mile radius witnessed a pretty spectacular display of fireworks in the sky that evening.**

** **

** **

**Professor Oak: (looking up from his dinner at an outdoor Italian restaurante) What **

**in the world?!Is it the Fourth of July already?**

**Mrs. Ketchum: Oh!!How beautiful!!I hope my Ash can see these!!**

**Professor Oak: (dryly) Judging how high they're shooting, I'm sure he can, Mrs. Ketchum.**

**Mrs. Ketchum: (pointing) Oh, look, Professor!That one's going straight towards your house!**

**Professor Oak: MY LAB!!!!YAAAAGH!!!**

** **

**Poor Professor…Oh well.That's the price you pay for putting all your taxes into nuclear weaponry research.**

**And everyone who was still alive, (such as Team Rocket, because they're indestructible.The thought of a nuclear warhead even harming them is laughable) lived mediocrily ever after, because let's face it—there's no such thing as happily ever after.**

**James: Jesse, are you okay?!!**

**Jesse: (coughing) What was that?**

**James: (hugging her so hard she can't breath) YOU'RE ALIVE!!!!!**

**Meowth: Well duh!**

**Jesse: Let's get out of here, James.**

**James: (pouting) But we didn't get to have dinner!**

**Jesse: I think you'll live…**

**The End!!**

** **

**Pause.**

**"Hey, that was actually not too bad.Did you write that?"**

"Nope."

"Weird."

"Steve, do you ever get the feeling that we're being controlled by higher beings?"

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, Flin.Come on, buddy.Let me buy you a beer in honor of this all being over."

"Woo-hoo!"

**Well I'm glad they like it.But something seems to be missing…One last element of the typical happy ending story…**

** **

As the trio of villains walked away into the light of the dawning sun, James put his arm around his lovely partner's waist and kissed her softly.And they lived pretty happily ever after.

**Thanks, James.I knew I was missing something.**

**"Sometimes a guy has to put matters in his own hands."**

"You only kissed me because I let you, James!Don't ever do it again!"

"Yeah, right, Jess!You know ya liked it!"

"No I didn't, you stupid cat!"

"I saw how ya leaned inta him!You like him!"

"Why don't you come back here and say that again, Mr. Smarty-Cat?!I'll wipe that big smirk of your furry face!!Get back here!!"

**…!*sigh*I'm not even going to bother…**


End file.
